Don't Say That!

**This is a guide for those you love who just haven't a CLUE on what to say to you in your time of pain from the loss of a child. Print this out and give it to them. They will understand.

Miscarriage rates are often said to be about one in every five pregnancies. This means that we will all know someone who has experienced a miscarriage in our lives. In trying to be helpful and caring we often find ourselves saying things that we think would make the person feel better, but in fact, makes them feels worse.

Never say these phrases:

"You can always have another."
They don't want another baby, they want this baby.
"Now you have an angel looking after you."
They don't want an angel, they want their baby back.
"It's for the best."
Best for whom?
"At least you didn't know your baby."
Whether you held your baby in your arms or only in your mind, this baby is real.
"There must have been something wrong..."
Wrong with me?
"Did you do something you weren't supposed to do?"
Did I cause this? How could I have hurt my baby?
"I understand how you feel."
Even if you have had a miscarriage, every one feels their grief uniquely.
"Have you ever thought of not having children?"
Yes, I probably have. I realize that I may never be a mother.
"Be grateful for the children you have..."
It isn't a question of being ungrateful or not appreciating what I have.

Things to say:
"I'm sorry."
"What can I do to help?"
"I'm here for you."

Remember to take your time and be kind and gentle with your friend or relative. Every one has their own grieving ways and time frame. Don't expect them to "get over it." Just be there and offer a shoulder and a comforting hug.