What I Have Learned...

If I didn't have two miscarriages I would not know that I have a blood disorder. For that I am thankful. After the second miscarriage I guess when I did my blood work they discovered (but did not tell me) that I have a blood disorder called "Anti-Thrombin 3". I have neglected to do any reading on this disorder as of yet. I am trying to focus on the fetus inside of me and taking care of myself.

Today, I am 7 weeks along. Due to the blood disorder I am taking baby asprin and prednisone to help with the clotting. Apparently, my previous pregnancies never had a fighting chance. When you have a blood clotting disorder the fetus cannot receive all the nourishment that is needs to survive. Who knew? Apparently, had my second pregnancy had some kind of intervention - it could have been saved. Now that will keep you up at night- especially since my last OBGYN neglected to even mention I had the disorder and never did an intervention? How can science be so ... inconsistant?

Needless to say... I am pregnant now... and I have to say... I am feeling crazy in general with the steroids and the hormones (they also have me on progesterone). I am totally irrational and pick fights at any given opportunity. I am on partial bed rest and bored. YES... I am willing to go through this BY ALL MEANS. And... I am crazy. I think my husband has about had it with my shitty attitude.

I grew overnight and went from my clothes to maternity clothes (at 6.5) weeks... how is that possible? I am not kidding... I look three months pregnant. And while, again, I welcome the changes, it is quite shocking! My whole body spread out... it is the most amazing thing I have ever seen! Exciting and a bit confusing I think.

We saw a heartbeat- a little blink...like a tiny little star... so tiny. And it is still - day by day.. just waiting. Hoping. Praying.

I feel lucky. Also, a but isolated for some reason. Lonely... alone. Not sure why?