Miscarriage Outloud

I can't tell you how many people have written over the course of the last 5 months regarding miscarriage. I originally started writing this blog because I needed a place to grieve on my terms. I needed a place where I could go whenever I needed to and write, cry, tell my story, find some sort of peace, if only for a moment.

Not only have I been able to do all of these things- I have also been able to do something else that is one of my biggest priorities now. I have been able to TALK about miscarriage. TALK OUTLOUD. WRITE OUTLOUD about one of the biggest medical mysteries of our time. Truly, this has been so healing for me and so powerful. So many people ignore the subject all together. Most, turn their head the other way when the words are spoken M-I-S-C-A-R-R-I-A-G-E - people react to it as if it is either a dirty word or a new planet that has not yet been fucked with by NASA.

It is the biggest loss of my life... both of my miscarriages. I won't be the same. I won't ever forget. And I won't just BOUNCE BACK... I WILL TALK ABOUT IT- even if it makes others uncomfortable- because somehow... People ALL people need to know the facts- what little there are. That indeed, miscarriage will touch someone close to you- I guarantee it. That miscarriage is largely misunderstood and mistreated - let me rephrase: the patients of miscarriage are largely MISTREATED. That miscarriage is a LOSS... That most people think it is a gathering of cells- nothing yet, right? NO. Actually, it is a baby. From the second you pee on the stick and see two pink lines... you are a mother. And I am no pro-lifer, right wing Christian advocate here folks... but I now know what it is like to carry a child- partially. And it hurts that both of our babies slipped away.

So, I write ths blog because it gives me a place of freedom. It gives me a place to tell my story- because my story keeps going on- even though it is almost one year since my 1st miscarriage and just two months away from my second due date. I was supposed to give birth on July 4th, 2005. My story doesn't stop at the loss of our babies. I think that was the beginning. I feel as if I am on a crusade. A crusade to get a dialogue started.

IF you have lost a child through miscarriage or know someone who has- there is an incredible network out there. This is one of hundreds of places you can go and know that you are NOT ALONE. YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL ALONE... if 1 in 3 women miscarry at some point in their reproductive lives- then girlfriends... we got company.

So keep writing. Keep sending your messages. Keep feeling the pain. Own it. Know that it doesn't just "go away" and life doesn't "just return to normal." It changes you... and makes everything different. Just make sure to heal. Mourn. Talk to your friends and family... and most of all don't ever hide behind the topic of MISCARRIAGE. We cannot afford to shelve this reality anymore.

Thank you to everyone who reads... it means so much to me....