DREAMS....

I dream....I dream in color...

When I was pregnant I dreamt of picnics and babies... nursing and names. I even felt my dreams- I could touch them and they had tactile feelings. I could feel the grass I sat on with my baby. I could touch the sky and pinch the clouds. I could hear in my dreams. The baby crying. My husband Bob saying to the baby it was going to be okay. I would cry in these dreams - they were so vivid. I would cry becuase I was happy and so full of life and so glad that I could see my baby wobble as she walked across the floor trying to hold herself up on anything in her pathway so she wouldn't tumble down.

I felt her in my body. I felt both babies in my body. One and Two. I felt one with so much hope. I felt two with so much faith. They are both little angels now. I wonder if they have wings.

My husband says I cry in my sleep. And talk. And that I appear afraid. What bothers me most is that I cannot keep my babies safe. I cannot touch them. I won't ever see them wobble. But they will always be my first babies. My first little ones... my angels.