Brilliance

She's here. I can't believe it. I waited all my life for her... and she is here. Scout Elizabeth Kingsley was born on July 13th, 2006. Our baby girl - she is with us now. I was on bed rest for a large part of my pregnancy - and couldn't write - was too distracted, too scared, too tired. I never knew if she would make it - but she did. So, after two sad and difficult losses, we have a baby girl. She is now almost 10 weeks old and is the love of our lives. I can't imagine life without her and we feel so blessed.

Life is so unpredictable. I never thought I would lose two pregnancies - and for me they were babies. And I never thought I would have a blood clotting disorder which we have learned is genetic and my father passed it to me. I also didn't think that I would develop a blood platelet's problem at 6 months. Long story - but another disorder with my blood. I never imagined that I would have a C-Section and was thrilled when she came out two weeks early because my back was so bad it was recommended that I not attempt labor. I never thought that being a Mom would bring me total and complete peace after a life filled with anxiety. I never thought I could love so much, so unconditionally, so fast.

Scout has taught me so much. Losing taught me so much. And without losing the first two I wouldn't know Scout. The mere order of things would have changed everything.

I believe there are no coincidences...

I am breathing easy now... and enjoying each and every second.

Belly

Today, I am fifteen weeks pregnant. Getting through the first trimester was tough - but we did it. With all the sickness, tiredness, hormonal changes and worry that we might miscarry, I have to say it wasn't pretty.

But we are plugging along. With lots of worry for sure. I thought I would breathe easier after the first tirmester - but I think having pregnancy after two miscarriages is very difficult. One would expect the worst I suppose.

This is a blog for those who have suffered the very silent and tragic loss of a baby through miscarriage. Now that I am carrying a baby I write less. I know what some of you that have lost must feel when you read this post written by a now pregnant woman.

What I do want to say is this:

YOU ARE NOT ALONE
YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT - BUT IT TAKES TIME
TALK ABOUT YOUR LOSS - DON'T SUFFER IN SILENCE
BELIEVE IN YOUR BODY -TRUST
FIND A GOOD DOCTOR - AND I MEAN GOOOOD DOCTOR
TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR MEDICAL LIFE - DON'T LET DOCTORS RUN IT FOR YOU
BELIEVE... THAT YOUR TIME WILL COME

I don't know much - but these are the things I have learned. For now, I am pregnant. I am counting my blessings. I am thankful. Cautious. And I know you are out there. Just remember you aren't alone... there are so many of US out there and WE don't have to do this alone.

Be well,