Falling Off the Stirrups

This is funny now... but it wasn't yesterday.

Going in for an Endometrial Biop is supposed to be very painful.

So... on my way to the OB I popped a vicadon (pain killer) as they would not give me any anesthesia at the OB for this test (don't ask me why).

SO! I am feeling pretty damn good- as I don't drink, smoke, indulge in caffeine- I am straight as they come.

So, one vicoden made me feel pretty good. BUT ... I was very nervous about the test so of course when we got to the OB's office I popped another thinking "I better make sure I am appropriately drugged!"

The OB comes in and we discover that they cannot - YES- cannot do the test because of my 35 day cycle- I am too early. YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD KNOW THAT WHEN THEY SCHEDULED THE APPOINTMENT!!!
But no... They did not.

It was okay though as Bob and I had many questions:

1) How do we know when I am ovulating (you would think we would know this by now but have been nothing but confused by the entire subject with all the mis-information out there) We were given a tempeture chart so I could take my temp every morning before I pee. Scientifically and biologically, this is very cool. Wish I had known about this before- but then... you don't know what you don't know you are supposed to know, ya know?


2) What is e-tegrity- I heard it was for INFERTILITY not recurrent MISCARRIAGE? The e-tegrity test is used to determine how receptive the lining of the uterus is to the implantation of the fertilized egg. The test checks for the presence of the Beta-3 integrin, a glue like protein necessary for implantation to take place. If you are missing the Beta-3 integrin, the fertilized egg may not attach properly to the uterine wall. As a result, your chances of a successful pregnancy are decreased. www.adeza.com

This test is NOT, I repeat NOT covered by insurance... It will run around $500.

3) What is a Phantom Pregnancy? Phantom Pregnancy or A phantom, or false pregnancy, is a condition in which a non-pregnant woman exhibits all the classic symptoms of pregnancy and is firmly convinced that she is pregnant even when clear medical evidence shows that she is not. The medical term for this condition is pseudocyesis.

4) By the time we got to question 4 I rolled off of the table and started crawling to the bathroom down the hall. Halfway down the hall I almost passed out. I was sweating profusely and felt like I was going to die. I made it to the toilet on my knees with my husband trailing me and the OB asking me "what did you eat for lunch?" My head plopped on the toilet bowel and I puked.

Let's just say this was not one of my brighter moments.

So - I did not get the Endometrial Biop yesterday. Instead I accidentally overdosed on vicoden and ended up crawling down the hallway of my OB's office.

Thank god it was later in the day- we were the only three people there. I came home with a new thermometer though.