Anger 
I thought about my fallopian tube a lot today. I wonder when it closed. I wonder how I got pregnant twice in six months with such ease. I wonder why my little tube decided to close... I guess I will never know.
But somehow, it really saddens me. Like a part of my body has died. A piece of me has thrown the towel in and called it quits. And I never would have known probably if it weren't for the two miscarriages. This was "incidental."
I feel really tired lately. Those who know me would say this is no surprise. I really am tired. I am tired of bad news and no news. Of circumstances gone awry. I am tired of things not working the way they are supposed too. I am tired of feeling like my body has deceived me. I am tired of seeing so many women in pain- I am tired of being in pain.
Sometimes I dream... and I dream of better times. I feel a baby in my arms. I feel whole and alive. Unlike now in my waking hours.
Mar 3, 2005
Tired of Being Tired
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1 comment:
Ashley,
I am right there with you about being tired. I hate being tired all the time but it just consumes me. I hate that every thing goes wrong and I wonder why things just don't work. I am glad that you came to my blog. I really like the title of your blog and I love the way that you express yourself. I hate that you also have to feel this all consuming pain that I fear will never end. You will be in my thoughts.
Jenna
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